Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
