Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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