"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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