he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
