u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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