Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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