Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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