Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
