I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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