Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
