my mouth tastes like poor choices
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
