we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
