im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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