And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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