if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
