Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
