I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
