just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
