I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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