Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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