its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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