The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize