Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
