it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love accidental penises.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
