Your dad touched me again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
