She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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