Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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