i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
