OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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