let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
