I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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