I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
