And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
