Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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