DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
