I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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