I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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