I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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