drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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