2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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