My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize