meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
