It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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