You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
