There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize