I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
