Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
