so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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