he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
