So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
