there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
