My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I will pee on everything he values.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we're so committed to being not committed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
