just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
