Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
