It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
