Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
where does the pee come out of this thing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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