Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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