no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
