Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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