you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
