we're chasing vodka with high fives
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
