You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
