I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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