When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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