I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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