tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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