Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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