his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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